Comments on: I started writing today as it just flowed within me. Its not complete but can i get some feedback?

By: computerjunkie

computerjunkie — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 21:45:59 +0000

i’d prefer a more personal touch,
not everyone has the same experiences, so maybe a little more detail would capture the reader, i feel (my opinion) its too broad and generalized.
gives me the impression of someone outside looking in, like a third party. although the emotion is there.
a lot of room to explore..after reading the second part, i’d like to know more about how you feel, not how you would expect everybody to feel.
keep writing you’ve caught my attention.

References :

By: Rhyme and Reason

Rhyme and Reason — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 21:16:59 +0000

I enjoyed it and it’s professionally written.

I mean once you start reading it you want to go on and that is what’s important. It’s very interesting and starts well with all those short existential questions that many are interested in. It looks like the beginning or part of a self help or philosophical lifestyle book for which there is a fairly good market and reader’s request.

Keep going!
References :

By: jaja

jaja — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:41:59 +0000

Your writing is good especially for a first timer.
You start off well by putting up some questions and then guiding the reader through your observations almost answering the question you provoked. It would be brilliant if you coudl come up with a good conclusion too. not necessarily an answer but some way to round it off, incase this is where you intend to end it.

Every peice of writing according to me should in the end should lead to some idea, answer, reach a conclusion or even a leave a question. In your case you could say that you end it with a question, but I would say that you started off with the question really. Any written piece according to me must build up to something at the end.

Now that all this naturally flowed out of you … come back to this peice someother time and round it up in some way.

Positive side: Very direct writing, clear and to the point. Very thoughtful too. You have been able to verbalise something we all must have realised at some point but never could articulate. You coudl do very well.
All in all a good job, scope for improvement but you sure do have it

References :